i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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