Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
