yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How naked do you want me to be?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
