i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
