there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
