You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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