I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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