Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
