i don't like sucking hair
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
