Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
