WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
