These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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