im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize