I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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