Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
