Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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