it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
