I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
