I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
