I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
