just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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