how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
