there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
