Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
no, he came in my armpit
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
