im gay
i know
yea but for you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
