: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
