I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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