my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
