he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
