Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
