He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
