Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
