he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
