I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
