I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
