are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
