He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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