New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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