I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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