i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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