dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
