you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize