saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
