mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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