she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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