dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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