If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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