i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
