took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
