he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
