I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
