so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
