Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
