man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
