Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
