Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
