That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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