wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
