genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize