I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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