New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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