so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So vagazzling was a success
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