Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Come see our sink grown plant.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
