I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His hands were made for my vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
