My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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