i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
