I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
