He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
