return my video game
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
