SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
