last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
