Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
