I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
