Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
