if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
