Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
